How to Practice Sexual Dominance?

Do you have the fetish to play dominant during sex? We might help you with - the art and science of dominance in the bed. Sexual dominance is more than just who’s on top. We'll give you expert tips to explore it safely and confidently. So let's dig into the research behind it, all the myths, the mechanics of sexual dominance, and limitations so that you can decide for yourself if (and how) this might fit into your relationship.

What Is Sexual Dominance?

Sexual dominance means taking an assertive or being a leading partner during intimate moments. It's tied down to concepts of power, control, or authority. As popularly believed, being dominant is not about being physically forceful or aggressive. It needs mutual consent, trust, and respect, where one partner consensually takes on a guiding or commanding role. [1]

• No matter how you define dominance, it always needs explicit and enthusiastic consent from the other partner who is involved.
• Dominance is known to make your relationship stronger when done with empathy, understanding, and clearly communicated.
• It doesn’t always mean you have to use whips, chains, or leather (though it can be). It simply means giving some verbal commands, taking initiative, or controlling the pace of the sexual encounter you are in.

Recent surveys support the idea that many adults have at least one fantasy. A 2017 study found that around 46% of the participants have admitted to fantasizing about being sexually dominant or submissive at some point in their life. [2]This suggests that you’re not alone, many get intrigued or excited about it.

Overlaps and Key Differences Between Sexual Dominance vs. BDSM

If you’ve Googled “sexual dominance”, chances are there that you’ve stumbled upon the word BDSM. While dominance often comes up in the BDSM acronym (Bondage, Dominance, Sadism, and Masochism) [3], they’re not the same thing.

Sexual Dominance

BDSM

A power exchange where one partner takes on a dominant role during sex.

It’s a broad term- cover Bondage, Dominance, Sadism, and Masochism

Not compulsory to use any tools or techniques during the act.

These activities include bondage, role-playing, spanking, pain play, and more.

It can be both well-prepared and spontaneous.

Here, you might need to follow negotiated rules, safe words, and aftercare protocols to ensure safety and consent.

Many people adopt dominant roles without knowing anything about the BDSM community.

Dominance in BDSM contexts is explicitly about playing dominant under some strict guidelines and safe words.

May or may not need explicit negotiation or safe words.

This relies on negotiated boundaries, safe words, and clear rules to ensure safety.

So, if you are someone who wants just a bit of dominance without going into more intense or specialized fetishes, you can totally keep things simpler. But if you’re curious about deeper kinks, then you are welcome to check out BDSM communities or trusted blogs.

Benefits and Risks of Sexual Dominance

We have prepared a quick side-by-side chart for your clarity. But remember, these benefits and risks can differ from person to person according to their personal comfort, communication style, and mutual respect.

Benefits

Risks

Stronger intimacy and feel in tune with your partner’s desires.

Miscommunication can happen without clear boundaries and cause distress or harm.

Better arousal and heightened passion

If one partner feels pressurized or unsafe, emotional fallout is possible.

Boost self-confidence

Can cause physical injuries (if mixing BDSM) with improper techniques.

Get to explore each other's desires and fantasies.

Fear of judgment can cause guilt or shame if not talked about clearly beforehand.

Enhance your trust and get to explore each other's limitations

Sometimes dominance can shift to abuse if not moved with consent.

In short, if it's done ethically and safely, sexual dominance can deepen the bond with your partners and both of you can feel intense pleasure. But, as you can see it has its own pitfalls if you neglect open talk, respect, and consent at every step of the act.

Psychology Behind Dominance and Submission

Why are some drawn to being dominant or submissive in bed?

Dominance and submission work on mutual trust. Here, both their mind, not force, becomes the most powerful aphrodisiac.

From a psychological POV, these are some factors:

• A dominant (or submissive) role can be a temporary escape from everyday stresses or responsibilities- like an adult form of play.
• When you trust someone enough to let them lead (or be led), it can improve your connection and vulnerability.
• Some people just enjoy being in control, while others might find it pleasurable to surrender. These personal sexual preferences can come from early experiences, personality traits, and cultural influences. [4]

In a discussion on Reddit, many users shared that practising dominance or submission helped them feel more in tune with their partner’s emotional states. This ultimately helps to strengthen their sexual relationships. But you should know the difference between dominance and aggressiveness or abuse. Healthy dominance is always consensual and mutually enjoyable.

How to Talk About Sexual Dominance with Your Partner?

Bringing up the topic of dominance can feel nerve-wracking as your partner might have other opinions. But you should always discuss your interests openly:

• Don't surprise your partner mid-sex or in a stressful situation. Choose the right moment and ask out.
• Try to ask “I have been thinking about exploring a more dominant role during sex. What do you think?”
• Be specific. Are you curious about simply being more assertive? Or do you want to try BDSM techniques? This will help your partner know and understand all your desires and boundaries.
• Ask your partner about their feelings, fantasies, and concerns. Your partner’s comfort and willingness are as relevant as yours.

If you both listen and share equally, you’ll have a foundation of trust and excitement, rather than fear or confusion before intimacy.

How to Practice Safe, Ethical, and Respectful Dominance?

Healthy sexual dominance thrives on safety and mutual respect. Here are some guiding principles: Establish Clear Boundaries: 

• Talk about specific activities that feel okay, those you’re uncertain about, and any hard no’s.
• Some couples use safe words like (Red = Stop, Yellow = Slow Down, Green = Keep Going) to keep up their communication during intimacy.

Consent is Ongoing:

• Just because someone agreed to something yesterday doesn’t mean they want it today. You have to keep checking in, verbally or non-verbally.

Use Safe Words (or signals):

• Use common safe words like Red to let the partner know when a boundary is reached.
• If verbal communication is limited at the moment (due to gagging or heavy breathing), use a non-verbal safe signal like you can drop a ball or tapping your partner.

Respect Emotional Well-being:

• Sometimes dominance can trigger emotional past traumas or insecurities. Ask your partner if they have any triggers and plan accordingly.

Aftercare:

• After a session of intense dominance and submission, don’t forget to spend time comforting, cuddling, or talking about what felt good or not. This check-in is important.

What If My Partner and I Want Different Things?

Sometimes you might want to explore sexual dominance but your partner feels uncomfortable, or vice versa. The difference in preferences is totally possible. Here you both need to discuss your terms of compromise to find a middle ground.

• You can try a lighter version of domination (mild verbal commands) if your partner isn’t up for more intense role-play.
• Try to set a time limit (like only on certain occasions or with specific boundaries) so both of you feel their needs are acknowledged.
• If this mismatch in opinion creates any tension, consult a sex therapist or counsellor. They can help you navigate these conversations more constructively.
• Sometimes, couples want to explore certain fantasies solo (through erotic literature, fantasies, or guided self-exploration) if their partner isn’t interested in joining. You can try that. Discuss this with your partner to avoid any feelings of secrecy or betrayal.

Not every relationship will perfectly align with all sexual interests. But with mutual respect and an open mind, you can make it work.

Techniques, Positions, and Practical Tips to Explore Your Your Dominant Side

When you think of dominance, you might think of whips, chains, or role-play scenarios. But let's start simply: Verbal Dominance

• Take control by instructing your partner on how and where to touch you or themselves.
• Use an authoritative and confident tone. Positive reinforcement (that feels so good, do more of that) can be very arousing.

Body Positioning

• Stick to classic dominant positions with your partner pinned beneath you, standing while they kneel, or instructing them to lie still while you pleasure them.
• Eye contact is necessary here as it shows connection and control.

Sensory Play

• Use a blindfold or earplugs to heighten your partner’s other senses. It’ll increase their anticipation of your touch and instructions.

Light Restraint

• If you’re both comfortable, try to introduce handcuffs or a soft tie. Start with something easy to remove.

Set the Scene

• Dim lights, music, or even a costume can enhance the psychological thrill of dominance. An ambience shift can put both of you in the right headspace.
• Experimentation is half the fun. Try different approaches, check in frequently, and find out which type of dominance resonates most with you and your partner.

Do Men and Women (or Those of Other Genders) Experience or Express Dominance Differently?

How one experiences or expresses sexual dominance can vary, regardless of their gender identity. Research indicates that social conditioning plays a big part: men, in many cultures, may feel more allowed to be dominant, while women might suppress those urges due to societal expectations. [5] However, times are changing.

• Many women, non-binary individuals, and people across the gender spectrum are reclaiming dominance as a form of empowerment.
• There’s a misconception that being a feminist and enjoying dominance or submission is ironic. However, many argue that feminism is all about choice and agency. Consensual sexual dominance is totally about one’s personal choice and can be empowering for any gender.
• In some cultures, open discussions of female or LGBTQ+ dominance are still seen as taboo. Online communities like Reddit and specialized forums, give them a more discreet space to share experiences, tips, and support.

Ultimately, your gender does not dictate whether you should or should not explore dominance. You can do whatever feels satisfying and consensual for you and your partner. [6]